2009-07-08
Renhai Reflections 122: Fleeting Attractions
Fleeting Attractions
A Renhai by Vaughn Seward (vs) & Zhanna P. Rader (zh.r)
Patch of phlox —
at each flower a bee
seems to hurry. /vs
Spider web, dew-jeweled — /zh.r
a butterfly flits and flutters. /vs
A young man
strolls through the mall —
flirty skirts. /zh.r
Click here for notes and linking details:
http://cflat7.drivehq.com/Renhai_0162.htm
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8 comments:
Yes, fleeting attractions in a floating life...who knows when it all would end!
wondering what the young man would do with the skirt :))
wishes,
devika
Devika, "flirty skirts" might be girls wearing skirts and walking by. Unfortunately, renahi is too short to tell what the young man may do with "a skirt". :)
Zhanna
haha! never expected a response to that, Zhanna :)
i know, Zhanna...lines left to imagination are a pleasure to read...i was just wondering aloud what all a young man may do there....ofcourse, there are many things that my mind can imagine as an woman in Indian streets/malls...but the gentle man in your poem may not be so! :)
wishes,
devika
nice work!
yes nice work
john
What shall I say: It is again the sound of these lines which pulls me directly into the verse. Patch and phlox, eachs and bee, bee and seems, web and dew-jeweled, "butterfly flits and flutters", strolls and mall, flirty and skirts - and all thse cross-connections from here to there.
Best wishes
Ralf
Thank you all!
There are some real strong word sounds running through this, that tie it together nicely -
patch of phlox / flits and flutters / flirty skirts
Well done to you both.
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