2010-02-03
Renhai Reflections 164: A Renhai, Step by Step: Some Linking
A Renhai, Step by Step: Some Linking
by Vaughn Seward (Solo)
I just now notice that I used word "snow" twice (in the first and second lines). We could change the first line to something like "A passing blizzard's". Or, the second line can be changed to something like, "layer of white velvet". Let's go with that. If you see something better, please leave a comment. So we have:
A snow storm's
layer of white velvet —
creek bed.
The next step is to write the other 3-line verse, which sandwiches the middle 2-line verse. There are a few ways to do this but for this Renhai let's look at some possible links (and we'll let the theme emerge on it's own). Here are some possible links that come to mind (maybe you can see others):
-Snow, storm, whiteness.
-Layering, flatness.
-Velvet, type of fabric.
-Body of water, aquatic (frozen).
-Channel, line.
-Bed, peacefulness.
The next step is playing with these links and discovering another verse that fits. Please stand by...
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6 comments:
So much interesting to see how poetic minds work -- enjoying these Masago :)
and the previous set too,
wishes,
devika
I think I would say
"layer of velvet white"
it just flows off my tongue better.
Or.. maybe it's just that I took my allergy medicine and my tongue is thick. heh heh.
standing by!!!
john
Thanks for the illuminating glimpse of the process. Not at all like watching sausage being made!
I am following.
Dianne
Thanks all!
Pamela: :-) Yes, it does roll off a little better. I tough choice here but the image I had was about the "softness" that the velvet represents. I think having velvet last in the line as a noun (rather than an adjective) gives in the prominence that I think the image calls for. Thanks!
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