2010-02-06

Renhai Reflections 166: A Renhai, Step by Step: First of the Middle


A Renhai, Step by Step: First of the Middle

by Vaughn Seward (Solo)

So far we have the following:

A snow storm's
layer of white velvet —
creek bed.

[middle, line 1]
[middle, line 2]

Howling north wind —
I snuggle a bit deeper
under the sheets.

With the reverse process the next step is to write a middle line that references a theme and links to one (or both) of the other verses. With the storm in the first verse and howling wind in the third, I am inclined to extend this weather-related feeling in the middle verse and go with that as the theme.

For the linking, I think of the creek in the first verse... what if that image is reflected in the sky where weather seems to originate?... perhaps something like the following where the break in the clouds appears as the creek "breaks" the terrain it flows through:


A snow storm's
layer of white velvet —
creek bed.

A small break in the clouds —
[middle, line 2]

Howling north wind —
I snuggle a bit deeper
under the sheets.

Now, the other middle line...

7 comments:

Devika said...

Great thought process...and a learning exercise for me, Masago :)

wishes,
devika

John McDonald said...

enjoyed
john

Bill said...

That new line works its magic.

Dianne said...

I like the transition

and the newly introduced image.

so often, I lose the author's intent.

this helps me a great deal.

Kristin Riggs said...

I thought I commented on this, but maybe I just thought about it or just imagined that I did...anyway...I love this! :)

Masago said...

Thank you everyone and your encouraging comments.

susane said...

Your blog is superb, what a great idea!

voyante