2006-03-13

586. Bayou Swamp

bayou swamp...
all around our boat,
thick with swans

9 comments:

Aurora said...

I really like this one. Personally, I'd take out "it's" and have it simply read "thick with swans", which is a great line. Nice work, Vaughn.

texas haijin said...

i echo aurora.

Masago said...

Okay, you guys win...the before:

bayou swamp...
all around our boat
it's thick with swans

The after:

bayou swamp...
all around our boat
thick with swans

its_baxter said...

yea, i like it this way. it reminds me of a scene from The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks

Masago said...

Bingo! Give that girl a cigar! You are 100% right. I wrote this haiku from some memory that came to me not too long ago. And now that you mention it, it was in fact inspired by a scene in The Notebook...a very good movie, by the way. Well done Baxter.

its_baxter said...

haha...i do my best :)

polona said...

i like this one!
(haven't seen the previous version until i read the comments; works better as it is now)

J. Andrew Lockhart said...

"thick with swans"
I love the 3rd line!

Pat Paulk said...

Love the contrast between swamp and swans!