2006-04-21

Part I: Brass Capsule

[A Rider Brother Journey: This is part of a ten-part serialization of the story of a special hike I made with my Brother in 1989. It is based on a journal entry I made on August 19, 1989. It was recently revised into this semi-haibun format.]
The full text of the story to-date.

It is Friday evening, August 18, 1989. We are visiting our folks in British Columbia, Canada. A high mountain overlooks the town to the North East. My brother Gord and I prepare to ascend the summit. We pack a small brass cannister with time capsule items including a folded sheet of parchment with messages, a dollar, two shiney new 1989 pennies, and three dried beans.

639.
summer evening...
more than beans and pennies
sealed in brass

8 comments:

Tim S said...

Sounds like an interesting journey... I'm looking foward to reading more.

Pearl said...

Sounds like a soul-filling experience.
I just discovered your poems through a comment yo made somewhere.

may I play with your words?

summer evening...
pennies, beans, words,
enclosed in brass

what do you think? too painterly like that?

polona said...

i like the text, it sure has potential as a haibun. but i read the haiku as a mere resume of the text.
i'm no expert but the haibun usually works better if there is a subtler link between the text and the haiku.

Masago said...

Tim: Thanks, I hope you enjoy the rest of the posts in this series.

Pearl: I'm pleased you "dropped by". Nice variation.

Polona: Thanks for the feedback. I think you are right. I don't claim that this series is proper haibun, however, I have posted a revision of the haiku. Original:

summer evening...
several things are put
in a brass capsule

Revision:

summer evening...
more than beans and pennies
sealed in brass

Tim S said...

I like the revision!

J. Andrew Lockhart said...

I love this idea!! I may look for old journals of mine from the past, too.

Pat Paulk said...

Always more sealed in the cannister!! Good one!!

Masago said...

Tim/Pat: Thanks.

Andrew: Glad to be an inspiration, please let me (us) know when you've created something.