788. Grand Entrance

sumo ring...
a tiny spider descends
on a silk thread



Aurora said...

Sorry, but I have to do this.:) What about:

sumo ring...
on a silk thread
a tiny spider descends

floots said...

love the sense of theatre and contrast

Pat Paulk said...

I can hear its thunderous steps!! Love it Vaughn!!

polona said...

great juxtaposition!

Masago said...

Aurora: That's okay, that reads nice too. My problem with it though is that its L3 has a definite 3-beat rhythm; "on a silk thread" can be read as 2-beat or 3-beat rhythm. I try to maintain a 2-3-2 rhythm (paralleling the Japanese 5-7-5). Thanks for the feedback however. :-)

Thanks Floots, Pat, and Polona!

Collin said...

I like the zoom in/zoom out effect of this one. Nicely done.

Tikkis said...

There is not so much contrast between cobweb and sumo: both very strong items!

Auroras idea is fascinating and a good one, also.

Aurora, are you English-born? Your version is perhaps more basic-English, as Masagos as it is translated from Finnish :-)

Follow always the rules of any rhytm leads into vitiated rice pudding?

Aurora said...

Tikkis: Canadian born, but I speak a few languages.

So are you saying Vaughn is really Finnish????? :) (teasing)

Masago said...

Collin: Thank you.

Tikkis: Thanks, I like Aurora's idea too.

"Haiku" with no rhythm or syllable structure is really a free-form, three-line poem, in my opinion. Such poetry is no less valid, beautiful, or poetic. Is either style of poem rice pudding? Let the reader decide. :-)

Aurora/Tikkis: I don't know about being Finnish but my Grandfather come from Sweden.

J. Andrew Lockhart said...

I love the opposites. :)

Tikkis said...

Sweden! Finland was a part of Sweden up to 1808! But spoken mostly Swedish? After 1808 we were part of Tsarism - Russian, and from 1917 we are called ourself as an independent state, whatever it ever means. Now we are in EU :(

Language I meant was merely the use of word - order inside the sentence.

Seeking after how the words and lines 'nestles' inside the borning new poem is fascinating! In any language?

Aurora said...

See, this is what I like about the comments section on Vaughn's blog: We learn so much! Vaughn's heritage, Tikkis' history lessons....:)

Vaughn, there is much to distinguish haiku from a three line poem. The use of a kigo, for example, the aha! factor, etc. etc. But you already know all that.:)

Now Vaughn, I'm interested to ask you - do you write haiku in any languages besides English?

Masago said...

Andrew: Me too, and don't we all have some opposites? Thanks.

Tikkis: Maybe we are long-long-lost cousins. :-) Thanks.

Aurora: Thank you for your kind words. I have written a few haiku in Hebrew and a couple in Japanese. These are fledgling attempts as I am quite a novice in both these languanges...and English too for that matter. :-)