2009-04-21

Renhai Reflections 100: Commuting Time


Commuting Time

A Renhai by Vaughn Seward (vs) & Karina Klesko (kk)

Setting sun —
His pocket watch swings
back and forth. /kk

Old windmill on the hill — /vs
Cambridge ewes and lambs grazing. /kk

A thousand stars —
arriving just as the train
pulls away. /vs

Click here for notes and linking details:
http://cflat7.drivehq.com/Renhai_0143.htm

14 comments:

Devika said...

Some great imageries in these, Masago and Karina :)

my order of liking is 2, 3, 1 :)

and interesting note on the second one :)

wishes,
devika

Dalloway said...

very good. I like this one

J. Andrew Lockhart said...

yes, this is nice.

John McDonald said...

excellent you two
john

jem said...

Theres an old world charm to some of these, the pocket watch, the windmill. I love the last one especially - a real wow when reading.

Gillena Cox said...

nice one, plenty of motion; i can see sketches of the scenery as the train goes by
much love
gillena

Karina said...

Hi, thanks , Vaughn sent me this link. This is a whole poem that all works together , I am not sure what the order numbers mean..but each one works together...like the thousand stars ...with the ewes and sheep dotting the landscape, The swinging of the watch fob between day and night...the arms of the windmill the hands of the watch ...Yes the last verse is an extremely poetic verse, not only letting you know what time it is ..now fully dark ...a thousand stars...seemngly to arrive ...at the moment of departure. There are many meanings for this short renhai. The "ewes and lambs " at Cambridge Univeristy of which that breed of lamb was name after. contrasting the the "old windmills" or "fixtures", such as professors with the young grazing there now. I particularly find that this is one of my favorites we have written.

Thanks again for all the nice comments. Karina

polona said...

great job, masago and karina.
the haiku could each stand alone but together they make a delightful renhai - one of my favourites, i think

Janice Thomson said...

I really like this one too. That last verse is very special. The whole renhai is like one beautiful poem. Excellent work Karina and Vaughn.

borut said...

You're a lucky one,
if you travel to the stars,
and you miss a train!:)

Pamela said...

in my head - somewhere from a childhood memory - is someone with a swinging pocket watch. makes me want to ask my older brothers if dad carried one.

RBroeker said...

I can hear the watch swinging. Great verse!

Best wishes
Ralf

Karina said...

Hi,

Just checked back here and what nice things , what nice poeple you all are ! Best Wishes, Karina

Masago said...

Thank you all for your kind and encouraging comments.