2008-10-11

Renhai Reflections 23: Festive Table


Festive Table

A Renhai by Polona Oblak (po), and Vaughn Seward (vs)
Written Oct 7-10, 2008

Stubble field —
deer tails flash
in the mist. /po

A bed of withering grass — /vs
wasps feed on windfall apples. /po

Festive table —
forks appear as mother
brings out the pie. /vs

Theme: Covered
Season: Autumn
Link 1 to 2: Grass / Stubble; Crop (Stubble / Apples).
Link 2 to 3: Food, eating.
Link 3 to 1: Appearing (pie) / Disappearing (deer).

This Renhai was written with Polona Oblak of Ljubljana, Slovenia. The theme, "Covered" in this Renhai is a little on the subtle side. In verse 1 fields are covered with mist and the deer are somewhat covered or hidden from view (deer, when sensing danger, expose their white hind side as a warning to others, and dash for cover). In verse 2 the fallen apples cover the grass and the wasps to some extent cover the apples. In verse 3 the food, dishes, cutlery, and the elbows of the hungry eaters cover the table.

Technical note: Polona actually wrote the first line, "wasps feed on windfall apples." and then Vaughn wrote the other line, "A bed of withering grass". It was agreed that the verse reads better with Polona's line appearing second. The 1st and 3rd verses were also switched around for poetic reasons (function trumps form).

6 comments:

Devika said...

Definitely Renhai is fun, especially with your clues to a novice like me...

Borut also teaches well..i'm happy that I reach masters like you...

I just relished the last pie as i connected the theme, the title..and the links...

thanks Masago :-)
Wishes!
devika

Polona: Liked your picturesque view too..

kouji | haiku said...

deer tails flash in the mist... wow. :O

polona said...

i enjoyed doing this one together... thanks for the opportunity :-)

thank you also, devika and kouji

Borut said...

A guess is a guess: Apple pie!?:)

jem said...

Another great example about the different directions a theme can go in. It has a strong sense of spotting the little things going on in the bigger picture.

Great stuff from the pair of you - and thanks for sharing how you jiggled order to make it work better.

Masago said...

Devika: Thank you for your kind words. :-)

Kouji: Thanks.

Polona: Thank YOU!

Borut: I actually made one myself this past weekend. :-)

Jem: Thank you for kindness and warm thoughts and observations.