2008-11-15
Renhai Reflections 44: Leaving Behind
Leaving Behind
A Renhai by Jerry McKenzie (jm) & Vaughn Seward (vs)
A tuft of coyote
with a strand of horse hair —
barbed wire. /vs
Motionless ski-lift chair — /jm
a mit snagged on a sliver. /vs
Zipline view —
a wild goat vaults into
a dogwood thicket. /jm
Click here for notes and linking details:
http://cflat7.drivehq.com/Renhai_0092.htm
[Note that I have added an index of Seasons, Writers, and Themes to the Renhai Archives. Just click on the links at top of any archive. I will also be gradually converting the other 60 or so renhai that have been written to this new archive format.]
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11 comments:
Hi Masago,
I am not going to leave this behind :-))
i need to sit and read this taking time..will do that in the afternoon. links, wikipedia -- all that would need time :-)
the life representations -- realistic, i would say...
wishes!
devika
Gosh I love this one - the images one gets are so precise and nostalgic for me. What a great set -Kudos to you both.
I agree with Janice. :)
love it too
john
I see magic in this one: leaving the animal farm of our predatory nature behind…
Climbing – finding ourselves at the top of the next hill of our aspirations…
Freedom of perception – stepping through the crack between the worlds…
I love this new style. Your verse is always a delicacy of thought.
great stuff... well done you two!
and thank you for the zipline info
The first Haiku is strong.
I like it.
The phrase "on a sliver" seems to spell it out too much for me. It seems too deliberate.
The final Haiku is light and humorous. However, the use of the word "wild" seems, again, too deliberate. I wonder if it's necessary...
A super theme that worked really well. All content not something that I would encounter but all worked. So many great specific words - coyote, zipline, dogwood. Very enjoyable.
These are wonderful and bring to mind the scene instantly. I love the first one. As a kid we had to traverse a barbed wire fence. Thanks for the memory.
Thank you all for you kind words on behalf of Jerry and me.
upinVermont: You may have some valid points, I plan to touch base with Jerry on this later this week and review your suggestions.
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