803. Winter Vacation

the bird house
occupied this summer...
now empty



Anonymous said...

masago, i like the empty feeling this piece conveys. it brings to my mind a poem by yosa buson:

the Flower Festival --
a mother's womb is only for
temporary lodging

Tikkis said...

"For Rent!"
(Heating expenses
not included!)

prado chekov said...

this piece doesn't work.

it could if you show
instead of tell.

not trying to be mean,
just helpful.

Masago said...

Hototogisu: Thank you. Ah Buson...

Tikkis: :-)

Prado: Thank you for not trying to be mean. From the perspective of one of the schools of haiku appreciation this haiku has the problem you point out. Perhaps the following is more in the "show" style:

first snowfall...
a tuft of feathers hang
on the birdhouse hole

Aurora said...

Hey Vaughn, your rewrite is great.

Masago said...

Aurora: Thank you, I may use it later when we get closer to winter.