the bird house
occupied this summer...
now empty
[Notes]
About Masago
- Masago
- Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
- From "The Haiku Anthology" I became interested in Haiku and I have since written numerous haiku, senyru, and tanka. "Masago", my haiku pen-name, means "grain(s) of sand" in Japanese. I have recently started learning Esperanto and Japanese. A few years ago I developed a new eastern verse form which we now call 'Renhai'.
My Blog List
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Ice Can Look Nice4 years ago
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A Dream, A Prayer8 years ago
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6 Hantu yang Muncul di Toilet11 years ago
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distant thunder12 years ago
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welcome spring14 years ago
5 comments:
masago, i like the empty feeling this piece conveys. it brings to my mind a poem by yosa buson:
the Flower Festival --
a mother's womb is only for
temporary lodging
"For Rent!"
(Heating expenses
not included!)
this piece doesn't work.
it could if you show
instead of tell.
not trying to be mean,
just helpful.
Hototogisu: Thank you. Ah Buson...
Tikkis: :-)
Prado: Thank you for not trying to be mean. From the perspective of one of the schools of haiku appreciation this haiku has the problem you point out. Perhaps the following is more in the "show" style:
first snowfall...
a tuft of feathers hang
on the birdhouse hole
Aurora: Thank you, I may use it later when we get closer to winter.
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