by Masago: Rengay #6 (Oct 7 - 13) Summary
Over the Rail
Yellow leaves / falling in the sun...like / flakes of snow.
Her lush blond hair — first gray pulled out.
Sudden gust... his toupee lifts off, over / the bridge rail.
We pass over, the muffler does not — railway crossing.
Lake-side autumn picnic — the boom box plays hits.
Roadside vendor — cobs of corn overflow / onto the ground.
This haiku was written from a personal experience of seeing leaves being shaken off a tree laden with leaves in the fall. A gust of wind knocked off a whole "layer" of leaves and they drifted to the ground with the sun, low in the horizon, shining behind them. It instantly reminded me of a fresh snowfall being knocked off a tree in the wind. Both images are relatively uncommon. The snow has to have just fallen and be very dry, the temperature -20C or lower.
I'm not a big fan of comparisons and allusions in haiku but I felt it was essential in this one as all my other attempts at expressing this experience in haiku were pathetic. I posted this version of the haiku somewhere back in 2005/2006 and at least two individuals said this struck a chord with them (they had the same experience). I therefore felt justified in using it as the "hokku" in this rengay.
This was written without any idea of it telling a story. Later however, I noticed that one could easily envision a story about a family going out on an Autumn picnic.
Please click here for link, theme, and other comments:
http://spreadsheets.google.com/pub?key=pcytHc47X3uAENBSpyg4WIg&gid=0
Click here for the previous rengay in the series.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
Windy. Well done.
Overflowing with abundance!:) I especially like the first and the last. I suppose our mind is a story-teller... ?
You've said so little, everybody heard so much
http://ricardo-haiku.blogspot.com/
it's always interesting to read the story behind the work.
thank you
Bill: Thanks.
Borut: Thanks, yes I suppose our minds tend to like to tell stories. ;-)
Ričardas: Thanks!
Polona: Thanks for saying that. I create the notes pages hopeing that at least a few will find it interesting. :-)
What kind of sandwiches did ya have??
I don't want to envision losing my muffler... but we saw one on the highway this weekend while traveling.
I wondered what it would be like to be inside a car when it fell apart like that.
This is a wonderful Rengay. alot of depth in each thought
Pat: No sandwiches, just a can of cold beans. :-)
Pamela: Yes, it would be a frightful experience, perhaps not as bad as blowing a tire though. :-)
Thanks for your kind comments.
Post a Comment